according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
