I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
