you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
