Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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