Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
