OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
