as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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