i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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