She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
