His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
