Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
