I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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