i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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