we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
