dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
