I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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