new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
