dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
