Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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