Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
