I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
