6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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