She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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