I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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