you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
