More tranny stories later!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
