i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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