I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
