i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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