hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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