oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I need water and some morals
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
