he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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