Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
