im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
