I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She's the barista slut.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
