I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
