I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
