Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
