So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
