Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Even my vagina gasped.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
