just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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