I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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