a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
