he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
