I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
