I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
