The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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