so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
