It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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