WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize