$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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