She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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