I am puke
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
