I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
