mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
