is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
