i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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