there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
