in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
