he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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