I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So much Jack, so little girl.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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