It's like a parade of train wrecks.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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