We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If I die, sorry about rent.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
