We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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